"An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex."
Aldous Huxley

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."
Douglas Adams / Writer
'Mostly Harmless'

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
John Benfield

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
Mark Twain / Writer

"The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist."
-Aaron Machado

"A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't."
-Anon

"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
-Robert Benchley / Writer

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."
-Woody Allen

"Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen."
-Bob Edwards

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
-Charles M. Schulz

"There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun."
-Pablo Picasso / Painter

"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction."
-General Douglas MacArthur

"I think it would be a good idea."
-Mahatma Gandhi
On western civilization

"How can I lose to such an idiot?"
-Aaron Nimzovich / Chessmaster
Shouted

"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."
-Umberto Eco

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
-Thomas Edison / Inventor

"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is."
- Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
-Winston Churchill / Politician

"Waiting for the German verb is surely the ultimate thrill"
-Flann O'Brien / Writer

"When you do Shakespeare they think you must be intelligent because they think you understand what you're saying."
-Helen Mirren / Actress